“Stand Up, Fly Away” Finals Tonight

As with any contest, it’s foolish to think you can win. There are too many X factors. A bad set, a bad judge, one of the people bringing all of the audience, etc. etc. Either way, I’m in the finals of this contest; the grand prize of which is flight, hotel and a week’s paid work at the Crackers Comedy Club in Indianapolis, IN.

I’m competing against Teddy Daniels, Jimmy Allinder, and a few others whose names I either did not know or didn’t catch. Nobody seemed to have an entire list. Perhaps I’ll live-blog from the contest on my new DROID phone. Perhaps not. It depends on how good the Yuenglings are tasting to me.

Blogging from my Droid

Pretty cool if I do say so myself. I want smaller thumbs.

Secret Girlfriend “When Booty Calls”

 

 

Achieving the below score, took waaaaaaaaaaaaay more time than I thought it would.  I can’t  believe I even played the whole way through.  It’s entertaining for a little bit but the whole thing seems like a rip off of the old flash games from ROMP.COM, the one that made a crappy National  Lampoon’s Cartoon movie a few years back,that I can’t seem to find the link  for right now. Oh well, if you want to try it yourself it’s over at ComedyCentral.com

 

Amber Alert, Kinda.

From FOX NEWS:

Police have identified a “person of interest” in the case of a missing Florida baby girl, but a frantic search has so far turned up no sign of the 7-month-old infant.

Shannon Lea Dedrick was last seen at her parents’ mobile home in the rural Florida Panhandle town of Chipley when her mother and father went to bed about 3 a.m. Saturday.

Authorities believe the baby disappeared sometime before 8 a.m. Saturday. Her parents reported her missing at 11:23 a.m., the Washington County Sheriff’s Office said. It wasn’t clear why it apparently took more than three hours to alert police about the child’s disappearance.

The mystery of Shannon’s whereabouts intensified throughout the day Monday. Washington County Sheriff Bobby Haddock revealed that investigators did have a “person of interest” in mind — whom he declined to name — but added that there had been no sign of a kidnapping, NWFDailyNews.com reported.

The baby girl’s parents also were not identified and were not speaking to the media. Haddock told reporters they hadn’t had any substantial encounters with police in the past, according to the Web site.

RELATED STORIES
Police Searching for Missing Florida Baby
Authorities did an exhaustive search for the baby over the weekend and on Monday. They were continuing their efforts Tuesday.

“We’re not leaving any stone unturned,” Haddock said Monday afternoon, according to NWFDailyNews.com.

Searchers combed through Dumpsters, residential garbage cans, bags of trash and ditches, according to Haddock.

“The child couldn’t walk away; the child couldn’t crawl away,” he said.

The Florida Department of Children and Families is assisting in the investigation.

“We don’t know where the baby could be,” said agency spokeswoman Barbara Ash, according to NWFDailyNews.com. “It’s heartbreaking. Let’s just keep our fingers crossed that they find her.”

Anyone with any information is asked to call the Washington County Sheriff’s Office at (850) 638-6111.

Baby Shannon is described as being 2 feet long and 11 pounds, with brown hair and blue eyes, (and the biggest head I’ve ever seen on a child).  How does it take you three hours to figure out your child isn’t in your trailer?  You look left, you look right, the kid is gone.  It can’t walk, it can’t unlock doors, and I doubt that it can keep its head up on its own.

If you see anyone with a big-headed kid, even if it’s hidden under an extraordinarily large hat, in the Florida area; please make sure it’s not Shannon Dedrick.

Kidd Chris is BACK…. AGAIN.

KUFO 101, in Portland, OR, just announced that Kidd Chris will be joining their morning line up from 5-10AM PST. That means us eastcoasters can catch the show from 8am-1pm. Now if only I could get the firewalls down to listen online.

Looks like I might have to wait for the DROID Phone to be released on Verizon. If this is true, and I can get my KC fix from the celly, I don’t think I’ll be renewing Sirius this year.

Alpha Broadcasting completed its “Mothership re-fueling” stunt this morning and revealed a new talent lineup that starts with former WYSP, Philadelphia morning personality Kidd Chris doing 5-10am. He’s now living in Portland. Chris is followed by PD Ditch, who will handle 10am-3pm as “Ditch On The Job.” Then comes Ricker from KISW, Seattle, 3-7pm. Marconi, 7-midnight. And Art Webb, overnights. Scott Mahalick is Alpha’s Director of Music Programming and he calls the talent lineup “the beginning of a new era for the station”, which Larry Wilson’s Alpha acquired from CBS Radio earlier this year as part of a $40 million deal. One other change: the apparent drop of the previously-used “Rock 101” image, in favor of “101 KUFO.”

Harlan Coben: The John Irving of Thrillers

I just finished my first Harlan Coben book. I’d seen his name on the shelves of the local bookstore for quite some time (usually when I was looking for a new book by Tim Cockey); but never picked one up. I’d seen the trailer for a French film based on one of his books that looked really good, but I never made the leap to reading him. Now that I have, I plan on reading his complete oeuvre ( I may have just misused that fancy word there).

So far, so great. Although having picked up a second novel it seems that much like Irving (wrestling, boarding school, infidelity) he has several themes/actions that appear in all if not most novels. So far he seems to really like protagonists that are Doctors and live in NJ. They also have childhood reminiscences of bullied children and guilt about it. Usually they have one parent involved in some awful tragedy.

I can heartily recommend NO SECOND CHANCES, and I’m about twenty chapters deep into HOLD ON TIGHT.

So far, it looks like Mr. Coben has made a new fan.

Liars and Truthtellers

In any college level reasoning class they love questions about liars and truthtellers. Periodically, I solve one particular question, and then forget the answer the next time it crosses my brain. Today is one of the days when I know the answer. So I’m blogging it, so I can check next time I’m stumped. Forgive me.

A man is wandering down the road, when he comes to a fork. There is a villager standing at the fork who may be a liar or a truth-teller. The truthtellers village lies down one fork, and the liars’ village lies down the other. The liars are cannibals, and the truthtellers are friendly. What question must the man ask in order to determine the path to safety?

The Answer:

“Which way to your village?”

Eagle Scout w/ a Tiny Knife

I really really really want to support this kid in his struggle against a silly ‘policy’ of his school. If the state the school is in does not classify what you had as a ‘weapon’ I don’t know how you can be punished for having this ‘non-weapon-weapon’ in school.

He’s an upstanding young gentleman who is an eagle scout and the grandson of an area Police Chief. He also walks, talks, and looks like a complete psycho. That’s the only thing that makes me think, maybe the school board is erring on the side of caution, then again, they may be winding this fragile psyche up. Who is to say?

Forget your position on the case, just look at these photographs and tell me if you think he’s stable, and I’m being overly sensitive.

Google Trends

Despite all the press that the BalloonBoy is getting while the Colorado Authorities frantically search for a missing 6 year old boy. He cannot beat THIS PHOTOGRAPH on GoogleTrends.

I guess if you have to be a McCain, it’s good to be the Sexy McCain. A”Sexy McCain” sounds like something you would ask a streethooker for, doesn’t it?

Ridiculous Football News

FROM FANBALL NEWSBREAKERS:

DeMarcus Faggins : Faggins lands in Detroit

DeMarcus Faggins has signed a deal with the Lions, according to Brad Biggs of the National Football Post.
OUR VIEW
The Lions will be hoping that Faggins could help their pass defense, which currently ranks 27th in the NFL in yards allowed per game (244.6).

Keilen Dykes : Dykes re-signed to practice squad

Keilen Dykes has been re-signed to the Cardinals’ practice squad Tuesday after being released yesterday, according to their official team website.
OUR VIEW
Dykes currently holds no value for IDP leagues while serving as emergency depth at defensive end.

Stage names are not uncommon amongst actors, singers, comedians and Ron Mexico.  Is it too much to ask for that you consider a name change before getting Faggins or Dykes emblazoned on a Jersey?  Not that I would ever wear a Cardinals Jersey but if I did, I imagine there are some bars I would get thrown out of because of my favorite player’s last name.

Change of Plans

Well, I almost went through with my bold ‘no defense’ entry this week, I could have gotten away with it, I’m leading my opponent by 60 points or so at the moment and he only has a kicker and a defense to play. However, my team did so well, that I’m actually in contention for “high score” of the week, an honor that carries a $20 stipend. I couldn’t let my chance at the Jackson slip away, that’s a little more than a fourth of  the entry fee. Ultimately I rationalized that if you love something let it go, and if it comes back to you it was meant to be. So I let go of the Bears, and picked up the Miami Defense. As long as Miami doesn’t score NEGATIVE numbers this week, that should add to my ability to win.

The only two people that can catch me are sitting on Ronnie Brown and Sanchez. Sanchez would have to rack up 59.1 points to catch me. Ronnie Brown only needs to score 37.4 points. Considering that RB’s biggest game this season has been 25.6 I’m feeling hopeful, but I do have bad luck. So we’ll see. Sanchez’s biggest game is 18.8.

I am going to be so disappointed if Miami gets pounded and scores Negative. It’s looking like I could have won the week and kept the Bears if I had just had the cojones.

Hmm, I think I found my cojones.  I just put in a waiver wire pick for the bears and dropping the dolphins.  With a guaranteed zero in Defense column, I can be assured victory so long as Ronnie Brown doesn’t: Score 2 TDs, rack up 150 yrds Rushing, and catch 3 passes for 74 yards.  He has never done any of this.

This is why I Love/Hate Fantasy football, the second guessing is torture.

Ultimately, Ronnie Brown will stand between me and the $20; however, my opponent has been vanquished, so there’s small solace in that.  And a little more, in getting back to my original gamble.  If you take out the Buffalo game, Miami D was averaging between 2 and 3 points per game.  Not worth the risk of a blow out.

Okay, I’m done boring you guys now with meaningless statistics.

Are YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

Forehand Needs A Backhand

Bad Daddy

FROM Fox News:
Pennsylvania state officials arrest five men, including a man who allegedly used Facebook to ask his own daughter for sex.

Attorney General Tom Corbett said on Friday that John Forehand, of Lititz, pa., allegedly used Facebook to find and sexually proposition his own biological daughter, calling himself “Bad Daddy.”

According to the criminal complaint, Forehand proposed meeting the girl for sex and explained in graphic detail the sex acts, telling her “not many other fathers and daughters are this brave, so not many of them are so lucky to experience all these pleasures.”

Corbett said the girl alerted her mother, who contacted the Ephrata Borough Police Department.
The state Child Predator Unit and Ephrata Police arrested Forehand when he arrived at a predetermined meeting location on October 7. Agents seized a camera, tripod and an unopened box of condoms from Forehand’s vehicle, along with a digital camera, camcorder, computers and data-storage devices from his home.

Forehand faces numerous charges and is being held on $400,000 bail.

Corbett said the other men in the sting were from Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Schuylkill County.
Corbett identified the defendants as Timothy A. Gehres, 22, 205 East Center St., Donaldson, Schuykill County. Frank W. Bonacci, 27, 105 Legrande Drive, Pittsburgh. Michael Edward Quartucci, 27, 2544 West Girard Ave., Philadelphia and Timothy D. Anderson, 42, 141 Conestoga Blvd., Lancaster.

“Predators know that colder weather and shorter days mean that kids are spending more time inside, in front of their computers, and that many may be home alone – either before or after school,” Corbett said. “As we have seen in a number of cases this year, including two of these most recent arrests, predators are reaching out to real families in Pennsylvania – and tips from those families are resulting in arrests.”

Quartucci, an emergency medical technician from Philadelphia, is accused of sending nude photos and pornography to what he believed were 13-year old girls from Norristown and Pittsburgh.

I’m guessing Father of the Year wasn’t allowed to see his little girl anymore if the only way he could proposition her for incest was via computer. Here’s one of those cases where you hope that there aren’t any pictures of the baby in the tub at this guys apartment. This case just goes to show you that no matter how gross a scenario you think you can come up with, there’s a real life situation that beats that. This is the parenting equivalent of Two Girls One Cup.

I am so skeeved out right now.

Google Wave

So far, I am less than impressed. I don’t really know how to do anything in it, and only two of my contacts are on it. So really I could just send emails and CC the third guy.

Here’s hoping this gets better.

New Jersey Governor’s Race

At this point all I really know is that Corzine thinks that Christie is Fat and Dirty, and that Christie thinks Corzine is incompetent. They’ve done a great job of running marathons and having sitdowns with every social group known to man in New Jersey, but their platforms have been severely underpublished. At this point, I don’t even think I care. NJ can take care of itself. More taxes, More tolls, Pay-to-Play beaches…we got it covered. You guys keep playing your mudslinging happy grabass, we’ll see who wins in November.

Personally I think The Belly and The Beard should just declare a “Mob War” in the facebook game Mafia Wars, and let that decide the winner.

Fantasy Football: The Big Gamble

Since I’m currently sitting on the Bears and the Saints D, I’ve hit a bit of a conundrum, namely, this is their bye week. I have no defense. Unfortunately, the only defenses available are scrubs and chumps.

I can get the Texans but then I’d have to drop the Bears or the Saints and I know I won’t be getting them back if I do.

Therefore, this week, I shall field a Defense on a bye. The 0 guaranteed points are better than negatives if the scrubs I pick up get blown out in addition to which I would also lose the defense I dropped for the rest of the year.

Plus my opponent is losing Aaron Rodgers,Greg Jennings and Robbie Gould to his own bye-week hell.

Mama always told me the secret to a good defense is a great offense. So the question remains am I being savvy or suicidal in fielding the bye team to keep both Defenses.

Fantasy Football

It’s been 5 years, you would think I would trust my instincts already. Everytime, I go against my instincts for the recommendation of MR. Roto on ESPN.Com or just some dude on Twitter, I lose. If I had played The Saints D instead of the Bears I would have won my matchup this week. If anyone would have thrown the ball to Marion Barber or Scheffler during the 4th quarter of the Dallas Denver game I would have won. They didn’t. I lost by 1.2 points… It’s so bittersweet, because I was leading going into the last 5 minutes or so, after getting devastated for the first 2 games.

The Saints are For Real this year. Officially.

Too Much Time Around Comedians

I accompanied Jess to a co-worker’s wedding on Saturday night. Nevermind the fact that my arms didn’t really work and she had to shave my face for me (since I couldn’t get a razor within cutting distance of my stubble), apparently my social skills were as dull as the razor. I guess, when you spend the majority of 5 years around comedians and wanna be comedians you forget that not all subjects are as hilarious to civilians. Someone at the table made a face that reminded me of Ashy Larry, which reminded me of a story I had heard the night before from Philly Comedian, John Kensil.

Apparently there was a little incident at the DC Improv on thursday night where a Bi-Polar Patron who by all reports had really been enjoying himself, suddenly went to the bathroom during the surprise “headliner” Donnell Rawlings’ set, and cut his wrists in the bathroom. Blood everywhere. They stopped the show, EMTs came in, and patched him up and cuffed his wrists to the stretcher. It’s funny because he lived. I guess. Even retelling the story here in blog form, I can’t pinpoint what I hoped to achieve from relaying the story other than, it was an occurence out of the norm. Nobody gives Ernie Anastos crap for telling stories about baby mutilation at coworker functions I bet. I’m just reporting the news.

Long story, awkward moment short: Apparently, suicide isn’t funny to everyone.

Here’s hoping the rest of Donnell’s weekend went well.

Dexter Spoilers, Critiques and Opinions (SPOILERS Season 4, Episode 1)

Okay, where to begin? Through voiceover, it appears as if Dexter’s baby is now 3 months old, and still not sleeping through the night. Evening drives seem to calm the child or the dad, can’t really be sure. Either way, like all new dads, his work is suffering. His ‘oldest’ wants an iPod, because despite previously being the progeny of a drug addict and a front desk clerk, she’s got a taste of the suburbs now and needs to keep up with the Jones’. Speaking of, the Jones’ apparently let their children go swimming BEFORE SCHOOL (which is just retarded) and have actually made the middle child Cody believe that playing Marco Polo is an important part of his life. Masouka is still a pervert, Deb is a detective and big time in love with her musician boyfriend (so cue re-entry of daddy issues when her ex-FBI ex-boyfriend pops his crusty Carradine head back up in Miami). LaGuerta has lost weight (she’s probably broken up over Miguel Prado’s death) and is somehow inexplicably porking Angel behind everyone’s back. Oh yeah, remember Angel’s Detective Girlfriend (the one who didn’t prosecute him for soliciting hookers) well she’s gone. Want an explanation? Tough. They broke up. That’s all your getting. Then there’s Quinn despite being a shitty cop all around when it comes to keeping partners from being paralyzed, and actually filing CI paperwork, he climbs up on an agitated high horse throughout the entire episode to browbeat Dexter over a mistake the weary father made in open court. He’s also sharing a little too much with a reporter and wants to nail her. Quinn is not Doakes and he never will be. Where’s the widow Prado in all of this? And why is Dexter now picking out “ironic” murder rooms? The dark passenger never showed any signs towards Poetic Justice before.

I need more Lithgow as the (Trinity Killer) and less cutesy “I’m so sleepy” chuckles a la the parodied opening credits.

If I were Deb’s boyfriend I’d be praying to God that the Trinity Killer doesn’t target Black Men because I don’t think he has a snowballs chance in hell of saving his relationship or his life this season, though he did sport some pretty sweet skin grafts for continuity’s sake.

All in All, the show’s still great, but unless there are some ridiculous surprises under the hood in ‘coming this season’ on Dexter that I didn’t see in the previews it seems like the writers have gotten a little too comfortable with the character. Perhaps someone should ask Kurt Sutter how to shake things up a bit.

Oh and the Ghost of Harry is not Obi-Wan Kenobi. He’s a hallucination, he doesn’t get to warn Dexter of impending driving danger. So knock it off.

There Ain’t Much To See In Old San Antone

This is the Alamo. You’ve seen it in Pee Wee Herman’s movie. Should you be in San Antonio feel free to drive by it on Alamo Drive, but there’s really no reason to go in. It’s kind of like a Disney Ride with no actual ride. Just an air conditioned stone building where you wait in line to see nothing, then when you leave there’s a gift shoppe that sells the same crap they do in the Riverwalk stores. Stores that are much cooler.

Jess and I just went there to see the newest addition to her family, baby Mason.  We also went to the Riverwalk and on the Riverwalk Cruise.  A cruise that is really just a 35 minute boat ride where they tell you how old the buildings are and you watch tourists smoke cigarettes on the shore.

You don’t know it but these pictures are saving you a $12 buck boat ride.

I might have enjoyed our tour more if the guide had spoken English as his first language and didn’t constantly refer to himself in the 3rd person.

For the rest of our trip to the great state of Texas it rained, and I mostly ate Jack In The Box.  I think I made it there about 8 times in 6 days.  The Ultimate Cheeseburger rules.

Separated at Birth?

Is it just me or does the CEO of ACORN, Bertha Lewis, look just like Miss Jeanette from True Blood, Season 1? I know a few readers took umbrage at me pointing out the visual similarities between Quaddaffi and John Oates, however, I suspect that you surely cannot disagree with these two looking alike.

For me, this is right up there with Michael Michelle and Tawny Cypress!