Kid Gets Suspended For Farting; Becomes My New Hero

LAKELAND, Fla. — A Polk County teenage student has been suspended from school because he intentionally passed gas, according to school officials.

The Lakeland Ledger reported that 15-year-old Jonathon Locked Jr. was suspended from Bill Duncan Opportunity School under a school district rule against disruptive behavior.

School officials said the teen repeatedly passed gas to make other children laugh. They said the smell also made it difficult to breathe.

Locked’s father said his son isn’t perfect and they’re appealing the suspension, saying the district went too far with its punishment.

This kid had soo many farts in him they got him suspended. Ole’ Jonny Jr. must have been packing a full clip. I think the story should pay more attention to the kind of farts they were. A fart’s ingredients can really dictate the type of punishment deserved.

Popcorn fart – Smells vaguely of its source, makes other kids hungry, not much noise value.

Sprite Zero Fart – Noises tend to be an embarassingly long ripple of ass cheek followed by a rancid heat that lingers long after the sound barrier has been broken.

Chantix Fart – I don’t know if 15 year olds are trying to quit smoking in Florida, but if they were, letting a series of these farts go in a closed room is almost inexcusable. Chantix Farts could be used to operate a “Green” gas chamber. They’re not even silent but deadly, by the time your mouth has shaped the “s” sound to say Silent, you’re already dead.