The FeMullet

Handlebars!

I can’t help but notice how popular this hairstyle is becoming amongst women.  Sure, it’s easy to do and manage, and men should appreciate anything that gets you out of the bathroom and into the car in less than five minutes, but I can’t help being disturbed by it.  Torn by it, really.  On one hand it’s kind of cute and sexy.  On the other hand it’s 7-year-old cute, and that can’t really be sexy without your name being on a list somewhere.

 

  Also, I’ve found that many of the women sporting their hair this way have childbearing hips, large breasts, smell like patchouli and don’t want to be judged just for their bodies.   If you don’t want me to treat you like an object, don’t give yourself handles.  All I can think about is WHAM WHAM WHAM, like James Witherspoon.  I just want to grab onto them and ride your face like a bicycle.  I have enough distractions in my day, the last thing I need is a boner on Sansom St.  It’s very hard to convince a bum you don’t have anything in your pockets when they’re sticking out like the yardarm on a pirate vessel.

Hop on


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~ by chrismcdevitt on June 26, 2007.

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